Duke Cannon Salutes the Timeless Appeal of Camouflage
If you’re anything like us, you love camouflage patterns. And why wouldn't you? It goes with anything, and also calls to mind outdoor excursions that result in appetizers and new wall ornaments. We like it so much in fact, that we just released a camo can edition of our Busch Beer Soap for hunting season. This understandably excited us, so we took to the internet to order some more camo-coated products for our abode. Read on to learn about some of our selections.
A BABY STROLLER
Someone has to be the most stylish kid at the park, and it might as well be yours. Sure, this camo version will stand out at the main areas of the playground among the usual assortment of primary-colored models, but the upside is that it allows you to quickly vanish into the shrubbery when you no longer want to listen to some other parent brag about how their kid read Moby Dick at the age of three.
A RECLINER
This handsome item allows you to realize every man’s dream: being rendered invisible while taking an undisturbed nap. However: there’s zero doubt that this purchase—nay, investment—will subject us to questions from the spouse about its effect on overall living room aesthetics. We will just remind them that this isn’t merely a chair, it’s a padded throne with an extendable footrest, completely befitting a King who managed to once bag an 18-point buck, which does make us royalty (at least at certain local VFW posts).
AN AUTOMOBILE
Hunting is serious business to us, and there’s no reason the greater public shouldn’t be made aware of that while we’re shopping for groceries, pulling out of a car wash, or just parked majestically in the driveway. Although we would have preferred that the interior was decked out in camo, too—passengers shouldn’t be denied feeling like they’re comfortably waiting in a field to shoot a pheasant.
A TOILET
If we need to explain why this was a no-brainer purchase, let us part ways here and now.
DINNERWARE
Fancy dinner plates always have the same boring patterns, and flowers and filigrees never felt like an appropriate backdrop for a bloody steak. But now when guests are served, we can tie their carnivore-based meal directly to the extracurricular that made it possible (we’re told that theme dinners are very popular these days).
A SHOWER CURTAIN
The bathroom ranks high on the list of places we prefer not to be seen, so this accessory really makes sense. Plus, it matches the new commode. We’re saving this one to surprise the wife with for her birthday; we’re certain she will react to this generous gift with delight, and excitedly race to the master suite to take down the current floral-patterned curtain and replace it with this one.
ICE CREAM
Genius comes in many forms, and pistachio, milk chocolate, and cream cheese paired together as a tribute to man’s greatest outdoor activity certainly qualifies. Also, saying “does anyone want any camouflage ice cream?” just sounds cool. But don’t bother setting up that trail cam in the kitchen, all you will see when you review the footage are choppy images of us raiding the freezer multiple times a night until the supply is gone.
