DUKE CANNON SAYS IT'S NOT THE HEAT, IT'S THE HUMIDITY
It is now August, which means we are officially in the thick of “the dog days of summer,” the time of year when rising dew points suck the life right out of a hard-working fellow. And as we begin to choose activities based on whether A/C is part of the equation (anyone up for going to see a movie?), we started to think about the many ways one can describe the current atmospheric conditions outside. Here’s a short list of terms that will give you plenty of ammunition to reply when someone says, “Hey—how about this weather, huh?”
HUMID
Derived from the root word “humidity” (you’re welcome), this is by far the most commonly used meteorological term. It’s simple and direct, which suits us just fine. You could go anywhere in the continental United States, say “Boy—it’s really humid, isn’t it?” and everyone will know what you mean. There is, however, a high probably that everyone will also find you to be dull and unimaginative.
Derived from the root word “humidity” (you’re welcome), this is by far the most commonly used meteorological term. It’s simple and direct, which suits us just fine. You could go anywhere in the continental United States, say “Boy—it’s really humid, isn’t it?” and everyone will know what you mean. There is, however, a high probably that everyone will also find you to be dull and unimaginative.
CLOSE
“It’s getting close out there,” is what old-timers say. How old? Well, the likelihood is very high that someone using this phrase probably saw the original King Kong when it was first released in theaters.* We recommended using this only for humorous purposes, or if you are attempting to be seen as a salt of the earth type. Either way, be prepared to have to explain it.
*1933
“It’s getting close out there,” is what old-timers say. How old? Well, the likelihood is very high that someone using this phrase probably saw the original King Kong when it was first released in theaters.* We recommended using this only for humorous purposes, or if you are attempting to be seen as a salt of the earth type. Either way, be prepared to have to explain it.
*1933
MUGGY
If you like metaphors, this one is for you. We have always been partial to this descriptor ourselves, conjuring up as it does images of the air itself as a street-level assailant, relieving us of our valuables—in this case, dryness and comfort.
If you like metaphors, this one is for you. We have always been partial to this descriptor ourselves, conjuring up as it does images of the air itself as a street-level assailant, relieving us of our valuables—in this case, dryness and comfort.
STIFLING
Here we have weather conditions cast as the oppressor. A literal destroyer of dreams, not unlike the mean gym teacher you have always blamed for holding you back from realizing your true potential as a point guard.
Here we have weather conditions cast as the oppressor. A literal destroyer of dreams, not unlike the mean gym teacher you have always blamed for holding you back from realizing your true potential as a point guard.
DAMP/MOIST/DANK/STICKY/SWAMPY
We have grouped these terms together because they all represent a point where things begin to get a bit graphic. There is a reason words such as these are most often used to describe an unfinished basement or crawlspace, after all. And that is because each of them makes it pretty clear that things are sticking together because of the high humidity, and those things are—you guessed it—body parts.
We have grouped these terms together because they all represent a point where things begin to get a bit graphic. There is a reason words such as these are most often used to describe an unfinished basement or crawlspace, after all. And that is because each of them makes it pretty clear that things are sticking together because of the high humidity, and those things are—you guessed it—body parts.
DON'T COME NEAR ME
This is the pinnacle of weather-borne irritation; when the heat and humidity have combined to reach such unbearable levels that the mere thought of someone even giving you a friendly pat on the shoulder induces rage. When exterior conditions hit this stage, all one can be reasonably expected to so is to float alone in an above-ground pool while cradling a koozied beer.
This is the pinnacle of weather-borne irritation; when the heat and humidity have combined to reach such unbearable levels that the mere thought of someone even giving you a friendly pat on the shoulder induces rage. When exterior conditions hit this stage, all one can be reasonably expected to so is to float alone in an above-ground pool while cradling a koozied beer.
