DUKE CANNON'S LIST OF ACCEPTABLE LABORS ON LABOR DAY

Since 1894, hard-working fellows have been given an annual one-day respite from their labors—24 hours to rest the teeth of saw blades, shut down computers, and ignore the natural impulse to work a breezy 12-hour shift. And while Duke Cannon certainly stands in favor of a holiday that rewards toil with a day off from such, there are a few mildly laborious activities that we condone on Labor Day.   

HOSTING A COOKOUT
On this occasion there is no need to hang decor, light candles, or even provide plastic cutlery and whatnot—just serve food that can be gripped with two hands. And because that meat will not grill itself, you will be expected to tend to the process until it reaches its glorious medium-rare conclusion. Grill away, we say, lest those tong-squeezing and meat-flipping muscles atrophy.  

TOSSING THE PIGSKIN
With football season near, this is exactly the kind of activity we endorse (after all, where do you think the phrase “cannon for an arm” comes from?). Obviously, we are enthusiastic supporters of tight spirals and the necessary effort required to perfect this demanding craft. So get out there and Hail Mary up the road, check down to your nephew, or no-look sling it to a neighbor.* 

*Other acceptable things you can throw on 9/4: baseballs, frisbees, bags, bocce balls, horseshoes, and lawn darts.  

MOWING THE LAWN
First off, it’s important to remember that mowing the lawn is not work—it is a rejuvenating, enjoyable pastime; equal parts therapy and relaxation. Not to mention that people will be coming over and you have a well-earned landscaping reputation to uphold. All of which is to say that laboring over your lawn on Labor Day is more than acceptable. It is, in fact, noble. 

HOISTING A BEVERAGE
The 12-ounce curl is a workout, sure, but remember: the can should always be sweating more than the man holding it. This is undoubtedly just what Grover Cleveland envisioned when, quill in hand, he first signed the Labor Day holiday into law.