HOW TO WIN A HOT DOG EATING CONTEST
If you are a fan of competition in its purest form, then you no doubt watched another inspiring installment of the famous hot dog eating contest held at Coney Island yesterday. As someone who is famed for really being able to strap on the old feedbag, we always find ourselves wondering how we’d fare at this event. Because the fact is, we have never lost a hot dog-eating challenge in our life—and rest assured, there have been plenty.
And while you may never find yourself in a position to go pro, you can still build a reputation as a formidable hot dog eater. So whether you are looking to earn a plaque on the wall of a local diner, or simply put a boastful co-worker in their place, here are some tips to help you dominate the amateur hot dog eating circuit.
And while you may never find yourself in a position to go pro, you can still build a reputation as a formidable hot dog eater. So whether you are looking to earn a plaque on the wall of a local diner, or simply put a boastful co-worker in their place, here are some tips to help you dominate the amateur hot dog eating circuit.
SKIP BREAKFAST
This seems like Competitive Eating 101, but you would be surprised how many fellows have ignored this simple advice, then had to shoulder the humiliation of losing, knowing full well it was that early-morning blueberry muffin that did them in. Drink water if you must, but do not eat. Some will tell you that starving yourself is a bad idea, claiming that when the competition begins you will overdo it and eat too fast. To which we reply, “Yes, that is precisely the point.”
TRAIN HARD SO THE GAMES ARE EASY
Our high school football coach—a stout fellow named Mr. Grogan, who also taught US History—bellowed that phrase on a consistent basis when he sensed our practice energy flagging. His notion that rigorous and disciplined training yields success at gametime was, we must admit, well-reasoned, and we have found that it translates to volume-focused hot dog eating. In short: eat a lot, eat often, and eat quickly in your day-to-day life, and success will follow when competition calls.
BE READY AT ALL TIMES
The fact is that a competitive hot dog eating challenge can present itself at any time. At a restaurant, a ballgame, a friendly backyard cookout, even a church potluck. You must be as vigilant as a hawk. Remember: there is no off-season.
HAVE FUN OUT THERE
Eating a gigantic pile of hot dogs is a pleasant occasion, not a chore. So, enjoy yourself. You are doing what you love, after all. Cramming hot dog after hot dog into your mouth until you nearly burst should impart the same feeling a gazelle has as it bounds at full speed across the plains, or the triumph that washes a ballplayer when they hit a grand slam. It feels good, doesn’t it? Yes, it does—so act like it.
This seems like Competitive Eating 101, but you would be surprised how many fellows have ignored this simple advice, then had to shoulder the humiliation of losing, knowing full well it was that early-morning blueberry muffin that did them in. Drink water if you must, but do not eat. Some will tell you that starving yourself is a bad idea, claiming that when the competition begins you will overdo it and eat too fast. To which we reply, “Yes, that is precisely the point.”
TRAIN HARD SO THE GAMES ARE EASY
Our high school football coach—a stout fellow named Mr. Grogan, who also taught US History—bellowed that phrase on a consistent basis when he sensed our practice energy flagging. His notion that rigorous and disciplined training yields success at gametime was, we must admit, well-reasoned, and we have found that it translates to volume-focused hot dog eating. In short: eat a lot, eat often, and eat quickly in your day-to-day life, and success will follow when competition calls.
BE READY AT ALL TIMES
The fact is that a competitive hot dog eating challenge can present itself at any time. At a restaurant, a ballgame, a friendly backyard cookout, even a church potluck. You must be as vigilant as a hawk. Remember: there is no off-season.
HAVE FUN OUT THERE
Eating a gigantic pile of hot dogs is a pleasant occasion, not a chore. So, enjoy yourself. You are doing what you love, after all. Cramming hot dog after hot dog into your mouth until you nearly burst should impart the same feeling a gazelle has as it bounds at full speed across the plains, or the triumph that washes a ballplayer when they hit a grand slam. It feels good, doesn’t it? Yes, it does—so act like it.
