Making Two Lists and Checking Each Twice
It won’t be long before Santa is emerging from the fireplace to leave presents under your tree. But what will you be receiving this year? Will it be that new bowling ball you had your eye on, or a large lump of coal (and no, we don’t mean our Big Ass Lump of Coal Soap, which would be a fine gift)? Simply put: have you been naughty or nice? We’re not sure where Santa’s judgement lies, but we can tell you what actions land you on Duke Cannon’s good side, and conversely, what behavior earns you a spot on his proverbial s**t list. Print these out and hang them on your refrigerator, in the garage, and other traffic areas around your home so that visitors are aware.
THINGS THAT LAND YOU ON DUKE CANNON'S NAUGHTY LIST
- Firing up lawn equipment of any kind before 8AM
- Turning down a deviled egg when offered
- Giving up on your softball career
- Saying the word “crypto” without disdain
- Calling a plumber
- Talking nonstop while we’re fishing together
- Not owning a stud finder
- Asking if they have decaf
- Taking the last beer
- Yelling at referees/umpires/other parents at a kid’s sporting event
- Uttering the words “well done” when placing your food order
- Using body spray and smelling like a JV locker room
- Telling others about the secret hunting spot we graciously took you to
- Claiming your SUV is a truck
THINGS THAT EARN YOU A SPOT ON DUKE CANNON'S NICE LIST
- Chopping your own firewood
- Buying whole sides of beef
- Holding the door open for a lady
- Changing your own oil
- Watching “The Dirty Dozen” with your kids
- Volunteering time and energy to a worthy cause
- Remembering Mother’s Day, your mom’s birthday, and so on
- Building a new fire pit and inviting us over
- Throwing up a salute at parades (can be directed at Cub Scouts or Veterans)
- Helping move a buddy’s refrigerator without griping too much
- Consuming a sandwich that’s bigger than ours
- Clearing the snow from your neighbor’s sidewalk and/or driveway on occasion
- Showing up with beer
- Coaching a youth sports team
- Implementing a “Donut Friday” tradition at work
OFFICIAL DUKE CANNON APPAREL IS HERE
Our holiday shipping window may have closed (sorry), but that doesn’t mean you can’t still get yourself a present. And we have the perfect reason for treating yourself, because official Duke Cannon apparel has arrived and is ready to cover you like an interesting but not fussy scent. We’ve got two (2) eye-catching t-shirt designs any hard-working fellow would be proud to wear, and a high-quality hoodie perfect for those training runs through the streets of downtown Philly. Quantities are limited, so order yours today! SHOP APPAREL →
