MORE FIREWORKS NAMES DUKE CANNON WOULD LIKE TO SEE

It goes without saying that Duke Cannon loves fireworks. But as we have clearly stated before, we think fireworks manufacturers could stand to dream a little bigger when naming their products. Black Cat and Bottle Rocket are enduring winners, sure, but it’s been a slow, steady decline in Class-C pyrotechnic monikers in the years since.

So, with the glorious 4th of July right around the corner, we are once again offering up a list of Duke Cannon-sanctioned fireworks names for consideration. Manufacturers: please feel free to use any or all of them next year.

List of firework names:

• HOUSTON'S PROBLEM
• THE ROOF IS ON FIRE (SERIOUSLY)
• BOBBY KNIGHT'S ROCKET CHAIR
• RUN!
• GOODNIGHT MOON
• OH, SAY CAN YOU GEORGE C. SCOTT
• BOOM GOES THE BACKYARD DYNAMITE
• IT'S SAN ANDREAS' FAULT
• LOOK OUT UNCLE RICK'S DRUNK AGAIN
• BURNER VON BRAUN
• LET'S COMBUST!
• BOOMIER ESIASON
• SMOKE ON THE WATER (FIRE IN THE DRIVE)
• THE BUSHWOOD COUNTRY CLUB GOPHER ERADICATOR
• SMOKIN' JOE FRAZIER
• THAT'S WHERE THE SHED ONCE STOOD
• HORSESHOES & HAND GRENADES
• ROLLIE LOST HIS FINGERS
• ASHES TO ASHES
• MEAN JOE GLEAM
• OK BOOMER

Now, we would be remiss if we didn’t remind everyone to exercise caution with your fireworks. Yes, they are fun, but so is having five working fingers on each hand and being able to see out of both eyes. Also, bear in mind the effect fireworks noise has on our four-legged friends. Perhaps your backyard extravaganza could be cut down a bit from the usual two-hour length? America’s dogs would appreciate it.

And last but certainly not least—have a Happy Independence Day. We hope your holiday includes plenty of fun times with family and friends.