MORE GREAT MOMENTS IN DAD HISTORY
Equal parts teacher, coach, judge and jury, with a dash of patient friend tossed in for good measure, dads occupy rare air in our lives. But dad was more than just someone who gave you rides and put food on the table. He was an interesting guy who had plenty of his own moments in the sun—moments you were privileged to bear witness to. In honor of Father’s Day, let’s shine the spotlight on some more of dad’s biggest wins.
FIXING THE BASKETBALL RIM
You were 10 years old, so you lowered the basketball hoop in your driveway to a more manageable 8’ height. All was well on that front until the hulking 10th grade brute known as Josh Fortoon happened to lumber by your house. Unable to resist such a tempting target, the man-child unleashed a thunderous dunk on your hoop, then swung on it for good measure, as if posterizing an imaginary foe. The result was 2 points for Josh, and a bent and broken basketball rim for you. Seeing how crestfallen you were, dad acted with Pat Riley-esque decisiveness. Firing up his arc welder, he swiftly returned your hoop to functionality, cementing his MVP* award that week.
*Most Valuable Parent
GIVING YOU THAT FIRST SIP OF BEER
As a kid you were always curious about that frothy, amber-colored beverage that dad enjoyed so much on weekends. It didn’t smell that great, but you figured that if he liked it, it must be worthwhile. Dad continued to shoo away your requests for a sample, until one day, while grilling dinner (and mom nowhere in sight), he quietly motioned for you to come over. He handed you the aluminum can, you took a tiny sip, and immediately recoiled. Dad laughed. Beer, it turned out, was something of an acquired taste. But dad? He always hit the spot.
HELPING YOU DELIVER THE SUNDAY PAPER
Your middle school-era paper route was not a great job, but your earning options at that point were limited. But Sunday deliveries were especially bad, as the paper was extra thick, and they were dropped off at your house at the ungodly hour of 5:00AM. And yet, there was dad every week, getting you out of bed, filling his thermos with coffee, and helping you load the papers into the family car. Then, he would slowly drive down the middle of the street so you could grab an armful of papers at a time, establishing a less taxing, more efficient early-morning delivery system that usually had you back in bed by 6:30AM (only to be re-awoken by him a mere hour later to get ready for church). In short: that “Carrier of the Month Award” you won multiple times would not have come your way without dad’s innovative logistics.
GETTING HIS PICTURE ON THE WALL OF THE LOCAL STEAKHOUSE
The Rib’s Eye was the name of your hometown steakhouse, and it was famed for its 48oz “Heifer Cut.” Dad had long harbored dreams on consuming one of those slabs in under 30 minutes, a feat which would result in a two-fold victory: 1) the steak was then free, and 2) one would have their picture taken for the steakhouse's wall of fame. One day, dad decided it was time. He skipped lunch that day, a clear indication of how seriously he viewed his mission. And when the waiter delivered the imposing slab of beef, dad simply nodded, rolled up his sleeves, and got to work. There was no talking, just chewing, as precious jaw energy couldn’t be wasted on more conversation. 26 minutes later (with 4 minutes to spare), only an empty plate remained, and dad was nearly comatose but triumphant. Sadly, The Rib’s Eye is no longer standing. Dad’s gastronomic victory, however, lives on.
You were 10 years old, so you lowered the basketball hoop in your driveway to a more manageable 8’ height. All was well on that front until the hulking 10th grade brute known as Josh Fortoon happened to lumber by your house. Unable to resist such a tempting target, the man-child unleashed a thunderous dunk on your hoop, then swung on it for good measure, as if posterizing an imaginary foe. The result was 2 points for Josh, and a bent and broken basketball rim for you. Seeing how crestfallen you were, dad acted with Pat Riley-esque decisiveness. Firing up his arc welder, he swiftly returned your hoop to functionality, cementing his MVP* award that week.
*Most Valuable Parent
GIVING YOU THAT FIRST SIP OF BEER
As a kid you were always curious about that frothy, amber-colored beverage that dad enjoyed so much on weekends. It didn’t smell that great, but you figured that if he liked it, it must be worthwhile. Dad continued to shoo away your requests for a sample, until one day, while grilling dinner (and mom nowhere in sight), he quietly motioned for you to come over. He handed you the aluminum can, you took a tiny sip, and immediately recoiled. Dad laughed. Beer, it turned out, was something of an acquired taste. But dad? He always hit the spot.
HELPING YOU DELIVER THE SUNDAY PAPER
Your middle school-era paper route was not a great job, but your earning options at that point were limited. But Sunday deliveries were especially bad, as the paper was extra thick, and they were dropped off at your house at the ungodly hour of 5:00AM. And yet, there was dad every week, getting you out of bed, filling his thermos with coffee, and helping you load the papers into the family car. Then, he would slowly drive down the middle of the street so you could grab an armful of papers at a time, establishing a less taxing, more efficient early-morning delivery system that usually had you back in bed by 6:30AM (only to be re-awoken by him a mere hour later to get ready for church). In short: that “Carrier of the Month Award” you won multiple times would not have come your way without dad’s innovative logistics.
GETTING HIS PICTURE ON THE WALL OF THE LOCAL STEAKHOUSE
The Rib’s Eye was the name of your hometown steakhouse, and it was famed for its 48oz “Heifer Cut.” Dad had long harbored dreams on consuming one of those slabs in under 30 minutes, a feat which would result in a two-fold victory: 1) the steak was then free, and 2) one would have their picture taken for the steakhouse's wall of fame. One day, dad decided it was time. He skipped lunch that day, a clear indication of how seriously he viewed his mission. And when the waiter delivered the imposing slab of beef, dad simply nodded, rolled up his sleeves, and got to work. There was no talking, just chewing, as precious jaw energy couldn’t be wasted on more conversation. 26 minutes later (with 4 minutes to spare), only an empty plate remained, and dad was nearly comatose but triumphant. Sadly, The Rib’s Eye is no longer standing. Dad’s gastronomic victory, however, lives on.
