WHAT YOUR GRAVY BOAT SAYS ABOUT YOU
While the star of most Thanksgiving feasts is the turkey, we would be remiss if we didn’t recognize gravy; the delicious glue that unites bird, stuffing, potatoes and rolls together on your dinner plate. And when you want to efficiently dispense this viscous treasure, nothing succeeds like that quiet workhorse of the holiday table, the gravy boat. But have you ever considered what your choice of gravy boat communicates to your guests? No matter—we have.
STANDARD GRAVY BOAT
You prefer the classics: vintage trucks, leather belts with large buckles, lagers, and watching westerns on TV. Accordingly, you asked yourself just one question when shopping for a gravy boat: “Will this pour gravy onto my plate?” With a reasonably sturdy base, ergonomic handle, and a spout that certainly looks as if it will guide the gravy where directed, the answer provided by this no-frills, white porcelain model is an emphatic "yes."
Addendum: Porcelain with Saucer
Cautious by nature, “measure twice, cut once” are the words you live by, and in fact wouldn’t be out of place on your tombstone. Gravy isn’t the tidiest of toppings, after all, and the kids table isn’t the only place spills happen on Thanksgiving.
GRAVY BOAT / LADLE COMBO
Sure, you could just rely on a standard pour, but you didn’t just fall off the gravy truck, did you? No, you are someone who consistently goes the entire nine yards and then some in every aspect of life. Plus, you have the steady hands of a surgeon and the brazen confidence of a grizzly bear. Remember: a maestro who can deftly utilize the ladle, in a single, elegant motion with no spills, is someone to be respected—even feared—around the holiday table.
METAL GRAVY BOAT
You are drawn to things of permanence: mountains, skyscrapers, monuments hewn from rock or poured in bronze. So it stands to reason that your gravy-delivery mechanism would be fashioned from a material that stands the test of time. Perhaps you have named your prized accessory? “Ol’ Ironsides,” “Betty Lou,” “The S.S. Bouillon;” these are all top-notch names for a metal gravy boat which you are free to use. But choose a moniker carefully, as this heirloom will no doubt be passed down through the generations.
NOVELTY GRAVY BOAT
You have a message to convey to your guests and it’s one your novelty t-shirt can’t quite express, so enter the novelty gravy boat. Perhaps it is a miniature caravel-styled nautical vessel, complete with tiny pilgrims on deck. It could be of standard design, but have a clever phrase embossed on the side (“Hasta La Vista, Gravy”). Or maybe it takes the shape of a turkey, belching forth gravy from its beak onto its plated brethren. Live it up—there is no wrong way to do this.
YOU OWN NO GRAVY BOAT, BUT KNOW YOUR WAY AROUND ONE
Congratulations—you are in the 85th percentile of men that do not actually own a gravy boat. Perhaps you are not even hosting the meal but are merely a guest. Nonetheless, you are very interested in getting some gravy onto your plate, and instinctively realize that the genie’s lamp-shaped thing over there is just the ticket to accomplishing this. Your hand snakes out, then reels in your prize. You pour, both fascinated by the viscosity and dazzled by the aroma. Welcome aboard.
